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5-year Old Begins Campaign for City Council

April Fools

5-year Old Begins Campaign for City Council

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Just when you thought you’ve seen everything in this race for city council.  5-year old Nicholas Humes has just announced his run for city council of Erie. This makes him the second youngest candidate to run in this election, next to former Edge Editor in Chief, Michael Haas.

Nicholas Humes, local 5-year old, said he is very excited to start his campaign and plans to “make Erie awesome again.”  In his free time Humes, 5-years old, likes to collect newts and listen to his favorite band Limp Bizkit. He plans on making many new changes to Erie like a proposed chocolate tax that will help replace the water in the Perry’s Square fountain with chocolate.

Being only 5-years old, Humes has had to overcome many obstacles over the past 5-years, whether that’s playground bullies or his early 7 o’clock bedtime, which he has rallied against and eventually overcome.  Today, Humes, 5-years old, still has to use a step-stool to reach the microphone at his rally events, but despite all the obstacles, Humes remains focused and ready to make a change in his community.

When asked about his opponent Michael Haas, Humes commented that he isn’t afraid of a little competition.  Humes, who is only 5-years old, commented, “Michael is a stupid name.” These are heated words from a candidate with fiery ambitions. These comments were said at a recent rally held at a local arcade, where Humes rallied 20 to 30 kids in a passionate hour-long speech that sparked a riot which had to be broken up by police and landed Humes with two weeks without television and computer privileges.

After his sentence in timeout, Humes said it changed his outlook on life. Humes said, “Those were two long weeks I’ll never get back, but I am a changed kid who is ready to make a difference in Erie. Together we can make Erie awesome again.” While Humes shares a very hopeful view on his campaign, many believe the city deserves a stable leader who will not give in to childlike behavior.  Many voters still question his leadership, after being grounded in 2016 for possession of Fun Dip. Many believe the city doesn’t need someone as unstable as Humes making decisions that would impact the well-being of the citizens.

When asked about his plan to revitalize Erie’s school district, Humes plans on eliminating all core classes and doubling the amount of time given to recess and lunch, a very controversial plan that would require funding to be cut from many teacher’s salaries.  When asked how this would benefit the students, Humes said, “Recess is just funner, school is stupid and dumb.”

With the youth of Erie being involved in the political side of their town, it’s needless to say, this race for city council will be an interesting one to watch.

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Gabe is a freshman contributor for Edge whose hobbies include music, comedy and video games.

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